Struggles

So the past few weeks have been very difficult for me. I do a midday devotion for women that I send out M-F. It has been wonderful and full of blessings that only God can do. I’m sharing my text from yesterday, 8/4, and today’s words I sent to the women explaining things and also encouraging them in how God truly moves and shows himself to us.

If you are interested in receiving these devotions, please email me. The address is listed at the bottom of the blog. 🙂

Today is difficult for me. I started these messages to help a couple people get into the word regularly, as a means of accountability for daily scripture reading. They grew into a ministry I never imagined possible. 

My purpose thru the messages was to help individuals grow in their faith, get into the word, to fall in love with Jesus, to see the need for Christ in their lives & the lives of others, to seek their calling & to allow the Spirit to move & work. It has been through His grace and His speaking through the words that I have done this. I pray that I have followed His will & direction. 

I don’t know how many of you are aware of my struggles the past few years, but they have been great. I’ve struggled with my faith, my health, my mental well-being, my emotions. These messages have been therapeutic for me. They have helped me navigate through some very trying times.

I thought I was in a better place of healing physically and emotionally, but this past week has shown me I’m not. There’s a gaping hole inside my heart that was ripped open again this week. My body feels as if it is breaking down. I’ve been putting on that strong, brave face and pushing through the pain, the heart ache and the physical, because that’s what I do. Both are telling me that I can’t any longer. I’m causing more harm than good. God is telling me. 

2 years ago when I had another surgery to reconstruct my chest from all the damage of prior surgeries and infections, they had to take tissue, nerves, muscle, blood vessels, literally both inner thighs & move them to my chest; which has since left me with nerve and muscle damage that’s my going to PT so much. I also developed lymphatic issues which causes a lot of swelling. It’s very difficult for me to walk right now, as some of you have seen.

When the man I loved and adored was diagnosed with lung cancer, I poured all I could into fighting for him, while still fighting myself. I tried to be his strength and comfort, whatever he needed. When it was evident he wasn’t going to make it, I steadied myself knowing he would be with Jesus. I didn’t prepare myself for the loss and emptiness to come & that still resides.

Another of the goals I wanted for this group was for it to be a place of prayer and comfort. A place where women could gather, even electronically, and know they were truly being heard, cared for and prayed over.

Every personal devotion I had this week pierced my heart and soul. Isn’t that what the Bible says it’s supposed to do? I know that God has a great work in store for each one of you, as he does for myself. We serve a mighty God. He is  full of power, compassion, mercy, majesty, strength, shelter, comfort, judgment and love.

So with all that being said, I’m going to take some time. If you think this message was easy for me, it is not. I have to allow myself to be vulnerable & admit I’m weak, which is something I don’t do. 

If you haven’t been reading these messages or the scripture, I ask that you catch yourself up. If these messages aren’t for you, that’s okay let me know. If there’s specific prayer you need in your life, don’t be afraid to share. 

Let us not be women in judgement of one another. Let us be kingdom women who see the struggle, who call upon one another as sisters in Christ for encouragement and prayer. Let us be women who believe without question that He who is within us is greater than he who is in the world. Let us not be afraid to admit we need help and that the struggle is real, even for those you perceive to be strong.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: